Stud Muffin: The True Life Story of Chris Langguth(and how he gets laid)
(View pans to hospital bed)
Chris' Mom: *grunting*
Various Medical Personnel: Push, push, push!
Chris' Mom: AHH!
Doctor: It's a boy but it seems something is wrong; It seems his penis is bigger than mine.
Chris' Mom: But your chinese silly; even my penis is bigger than yours and I'm a woman!
Doctor: I forgot, what are you going to name him?
Chris' Mom: Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Baby Chris: That's Me!
(Show Opening Screen)
Chris Langguth as Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Tyler Treese as The loyal sidekick who has never had a girlfriend
Some chick as Hannah Wineland
Adam Smith as The dude who uses funny one-liners
(Cut to C.W. Longer Elementary School)
Chris Narrating: It was my first day in C.W. Longer Elementary and I knew it meant one thing: New Ladies to wow. I met my two fellow struggling pimps Tyler Treese and Adam Smith. Now Adam had the hots for a girl named Sarah and asked her out everyday during recess.
(Shows Adam at the swingsets)
Adam: Hey; I may not be Fred Flinstone but I can sure make your bedrock!
Sarah: No.
(Cuts to Adam talking to Chris and TT)
Adam: I really thought I had a chance this time; That line was genius.
Chris: Well you have to be smooth like I am; Watch this.
(Chris walks over to a table full of women he sets his eyes on a girl named Hannah Wineland)
Chris: Hey foxy momma, how about you and me go back to my place; I have my own teeter totter and I could teeter your totter if you know what I mean.
Hannah: Yes; umm I'll see you around at recess; bye, wait what is your name?
Chris: You can call me Sex Master or Chris.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Stud Muffin: The Movie: The True Life Story of Chris Langguth
ArcticMonkeys33: Stud Muffin: The Movie; Dude we have to make your life story a movie!
christhewalrus01: ahahah
christhewalrus01: nice comment
ArcticMonkeys33: who could we cast as you? I mean no actor has your good looks so its a tough one...
christhewalrus01: chris langguth as
christhewalrus01: himself.
ArcticMonkeys33: YES! perfect
ArcticMonkeys33: now who was the girl who dumped you at are school? Was it Hannah something?
ArcticMonkeys33: that was funny
christhewalrus01: shut up.
christhewalrus01: it was elise
christhewalrus01: and that was one time
ArcticMonkeys33: It was like the end of the world
christhewalrus01: after 2 and a half months
christhewalrus01: and i recovered after a week
christhewalrus01: so
ArcticMonkeys33: Chris: "I'm so alone, I can't believe that slut dumped me for mike and then dumped him for pat WTF"
christhewalrus01: ooooh
christhewalrus01: you mean that
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
christhewalrus01: ahahahahaha
ArcticMonkeys33: that was great
christhewalrus01: hannah wineland
christhewalrus01: that was terrible
ArcticMonkeys33: there we go
christhewalrus01: i didn't get anything from her
ArcticMonkeys33: hannah winland
christhewalrus01: and then she made out with pat a week later
ArcticMonkeys33: thats great
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: all in 4th grade
christhewalrus01: it was terrible
christhewalrus01: and then she moved
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
christhewalrus01: and pat was like "ahahah! sucker!"
ArcticMonkeys33: i should search myspace for her hahhh
ArcticMonkeys33: that would be funny if she saw you now and she had the hots for you
christhewalrus01: she emailed me or something like a few months ago
christhewalrus01: it was weird
ArcticMonkeys33: really?
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: who would we cast as her?
ArcticMonkeys33: xD
christhewalrus01: some really ugly chick
christhewalrus01: so as to say like
christhewalrus01: hey
christhewalrus01: it didn't matter really
christhewalrus01: she was ugly
christhewalrus01: and it was 4th grade
christhewalrus01: the stud muffin was just gettin it on
ArcticMonkeys33: lol
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and after a week with uhhh jessica what's her name
christhewalrus01: he recovered
christhewalrus01: i actually dont know who i went out with after that
christhewalrus01: but i think i dated jessica once
ArcticMonkeys33: jessica burket?
christhewalrus01: the little one?
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: dude shes been going out with Alex Prosser since sixth grades
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
ArcticMonkeys33: its amazing
ArcticMonkeys33: they are the only people i really can't see breaking up in a week
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: they're like the perfect match its nuts
christhewalrus01: i saw them together last time i was up there
christhewalrus01: and then we tried to steal panties from her room
christhewalrus01: but it wasn't worth it
ArcticMonkeys33: hah!
christhewalrus01: because they were really small
ArcticMonkeys33: kevin willis got caught looking at her moms panties
christhewalrus01: hahahahahahahahahahaha
christhewalrus01: its like in that snickers commercial
ArcticMonkeys33: lol
ArcticMonkeys33: i think i found hannahs myspace
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: i dont think i've seen her mom
christhewalrus01: is she hot?
ArcticMonkeys33: who jess' mom or hannah hahahhaha
christhewalrus01: jessicas mom
ArcticMonkeys33: hah no
christhewalrus01: thats just gross then
christhewalrus01: why her moms
christhewalrus01: and not hers
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: http://profile.myspace.com/91548181 lol
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
christhewalrus01: i'll send her a friend request
ArcticMonkeys33: thats her isnt it?
ArcticMonkeys33: i will too if you are
ArcticMonkeys33: u doing it?
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: thats hilarious
christhewalrus01: it kind of looks like her
ArcticMonkeys33: you'll have to private message her and say "my heart is still broken from 4th grade"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
christhewalrus01: i should
christhewalrus01: and at the end of the movie
christhewalrus01: we'll have
christhewalrus01: "reconnection"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and happily never after
ArcticMonkeys33: w00t
christhewalrus01: because she'll be like
christhewalrus01: who the fuck are you
christhewalrus01: i live in australia
christhewalrus01: ...
christhewalrus01: mate.
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: xD
ArcticMonkeys33: i wonder if she moved to austrailia?
ArcticMonkeys33: hah that would be weird
christhewalrus01: ahaha
christhewalrus01: that would bwe
ArcticMonkeys33: so after you move to VA; you hook up with 1,500 girls and then you find true love; and then at the end of the movie you get laid
ArcticMonkeys33: perfect ending/
ArcticMonkeys33: ?
christhewalrus01: except we leave them to wonder
ArcticMonkeys33: k
christhewalrus01: because its pg 13
ArcticMonkeys33: oh
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and we leave out the sex scene
christhewalrus01: maybe
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: maybe i'll be like
ArcticMonkeys33: DVD will have it
christhewalrus01: "maybe we should turn off the lights..."
ArcticMonkeys33: yes!
christhewalrus01: or like
christhewalrus01: "do i have to pay for this?"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: amazing
christhewalrus01: hahaha
christhewalrus01: "keep it down, my mother is sleeping"
ArcticMonkeys33: then i come out of nowhere and say "Im still a virgin" and then everyone laughs at me
ArcticMonkeys33: then you look to the screen and say "that's TT"
christhewalrus01: yeah
christhewalrus01: and we'll have cool sepia tone intermission slides
ArcticMonkeys33: yep
ArcticMonkeys33: we need to make a script; with shit like Epic Movie being made this will be a box office smash!
christhewalrus01: ahahah
christhewalrus01: nice comment
ArcticMonkeys33: who could we cast as you? I mean no actor has your good looks so its a tough one...
christhewalrus01: chris langguth as
christhewalrus01: himself.
ArcticMonkeys33: YES! perfect
ArcticMonkeys33: now who was the girl who dumped you at are school? Was it Hannah something?
ArcticMonkeys33: that was funny
christhewalrus01: shut up.
christhewalrus01: it was elise
christhewalrus01: and that was one time
ArcticMonkeys33: It was like the end of the world
christhewalrus01: after 2 and a half months
christhewalrus01: and i recovered after a week
christhewalrus01: so
ArcticMonkeys33: Chris: "I'm so alone, I can't believe that slut dumped me for mike and then dumped him for pat WTF"
christhewalrus01: ooooh
christhewalrus01: you mean that
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
christhewalrus01: ahahahahaha
ArcticMonkeys33: that was great
christhewalrus01: hannah wineland
christhewalrus01: that was terrible
ArcticMonkeys33: there we go
christhewalrus01: i didn't get anything from her
ArcticMonkeys33: hannah winland
christhewalrus01: and then she made out with pat a week later
ArcticMonkeys33: thats great
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: all in 4th grade
christhewalrus01: it was terrible
christhewalrus01: and then she moved
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
christhewalrus01: and pat was like "ahahah! sucker!"
ArcticMonkeys33: i should search myspace for her hahhh
ArcticMonkeys33: that would be funny if she saw you now and she had the hots for you
christhewalrus01: she emailed me or something like a few months ago
christhewalrus01: it was weird
ArcticMonkeys33: really?
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: who would we cast as her?
ArcticMonkeys33: xD
christhewalrus01: some really ugly chick
christhewalrus01: so as to say like
christhewalrus01: hey
christhewalrus01: it didn't matter really
christhewalrus01: she was ugly
christhewalrus01: and it was 4th grade
christhewalrus01: the stud muffin was just gettin it on
ArcticMonkeys33: lol
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and after a week with uhhh jessica what's her name
christhewalrus01: he recovered
christhewalrus01: i actually dont know who i went out with after that
christhewalrus01: but i think i dated jessica once
ArcticMonkeys33: jessica burket?
christhewalrus01: the little one?
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: dude shes been going out with Alex Prosser since sixth grades
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
ArcticMonkeys33: its amazing
ArcticMonkeys33: they are the only people i really can't see breaking up in a week
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: they're like the perfect match its nuts
christhewalrus01: i saw them together last time i was up there
christhewalrus01: and then we tried to steal panties from her room
christhewalrus01: but it wasn't worth it
ArcticMonkeys33: hah!
christhewalrus01: because they were really small
ArcticMonkeys33: kevin willis got caught looking at her moms panties
christhewalrus01: hahahahahahahahahahaha
christhewalrus01: its like in that snickers commercial
ArcticMonkeys33: lol
ArcticMonkeys33: i think i found hannahs myspace
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: i dont think i've seen her mom
christhewalrus01: is she hot?
ArcticMonkeys33: who jess' mom or hannah hahahhaha
christhewalrus01: jessicas mom
ArcticMonkeys33: hah no
christhewalrus01: thats just gross then
christhewalrus01: why her moms
christhewalrus01: and not hers
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: http://profile.myspace.com/91548181 lol
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
christhewalrus01: i'll send her a friend request
ArcticMonkeys33: thats her isnt it?
ArcticMonkeys33: i will too if you are
ArcticMonkeys33: u doing it?
christhewalrus01: yeah
ArcticMonkeys33: thats hilarious
christhewalrus01: it kind of looks like her
ArcticMonkeys33: you'll have to private message her and say "my heart is still broken from 4th grade"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: ahahaha
christhewalrus01: i should
christhewalrus01: and at the end of the movie
christhewalrus01: we'll have
christhewalrus01: "reconnection"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and happily never after
ArcticMonkeys33: w00t
christhewalrus01: because she'll be like
christhewalrus01: who the fuck are you
christhewalrus01: i live in australia
christhewalrus01: ...
christhewalrus01: mate.
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: xD
ArcticMonkeys33: i wonder if she moved to austrailia?
ArcticMonkeys33: hah that would be weird
christhewalrus01: ahaha
christhewalrus01: that would bwe
ArcticMonkeys33: so after you move to VA; you hook up with 1,500 girls and then you find true love; and then at the end of the movie you get laid
ArcticMonkeys33: perfect ending/
ArcticMonkeys33: ?
christhewalrus01: except we leave them to wonder
ArcticMonkeys33: k
christhewalrus01: because its pg 13
ArcticMonkeys33: oh
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: and we leave out the sex scene
christhewalrus01: maybe
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
christhewalrus01: maybe i'll be like
ArcticMonkeys33: DVD will have it
christhewalrus01: "maybe we should turn off the lights..."
ArcticMonkeys33: yes!
christhewalrus01: or like
christhewalrus01: "do i have to pay for this?"
ArcticMonkeys33: hah
ArcticMonkeys33: amazing
christhewalrus01: hahaha
christhewalrus01: "keep it down, my mother is sleeping"
ArcticMonkeys33: then i come out of nowhere and say "Im still a virgin" and then everyone laughs at me
ArcticMonkeys33: then you look to the screen and say "that's TT"
christhewalrus01: yeah
christhewalrus01: and we'll have cool sepia tone intermission slides
ArcticMonkeys33: yep
ArcticMonkeys33: we need to make a script; with shit like Epic Movie being made this will be a box office smash!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Short Story
Chocolate Killed My Best Friend (A Short Story)
It was September 15th, 2248. Three years after my freak pogostick accident(which is a story for another time) and my friend GlenCoco and I decided to use the time machine we had purchased from eBay.As we were leaving my white toy poodle, Killer, jumped in and knockedthe dial. We were then transported to the distant past.
Once we arrived we stepped outside, and it was a beautiful sight. Thesky was crystal clear since it had not been polluted by humans forthousands of years. The landscape was a beautiful desert plain, andwhile Killer was sniffing around, I noticed a cave.
I asked Glen "Do you want to go into the cave?". He replied, "What ev'".
We slowly approached the huge cave, once we stepped in I was startledto see two cave people standing there. There was a male and a female.The male was about 3 foot tall, and had a 2 foot long beard, he wouldcontinually beat his head with his wooden club. The female was clothedin the latest tiger skin wear.We could not communicate but we soonfound a common interest, Disco. One thing most people do not know isthat Disco is an ancient art form traced back to recivilization.Luckily, I had brought a battery operated Disco Ball and batteries. Wetaught them many new dance moves such as the 'hustle' and the'robot'.Killer was particularly good at the 'robot'.
Glen eventually gotten tired from "shaking his groove thang", anddecided to eat one of his chocolate bars he brought along. This was not smartsince everyone knows lions are attracted to chocolate. A lion almostinstantaneously appeared. When he roared it sounded like a cow mooing.Glen laughed, and then the lion started chasing us.We ran out of the cave and darted back to the time machine. The lion kept gaining on us so I grabbed one of Glen's chocolate bars and threwit in the opposite direction. Glen yelled "No!", and leapt for the chocolate bar. I yelled out to him"Don't do it", but it was too late.
My best friend was dead. He was then immediately mauled and killed bythe lion. Killer and I then went to the time machine to get away fromthe lion. After we transported back to 2248, we had a funeral for Glen.His gravestone read, "He died for the thing he loved most, Chocolate".
It was September 15th, 2248. Three years after my freak pogostick accident(which is a story for another time) and my friend GlenCoco and I decided to use the time machine we had purchased from eBay.As we were leaving my white toy poodle, Killer, jumped in and knockedthe dial. We were then transported to the distant past.
Once we arrived we stepped outside, and it was a beautiful sight. Thesky was crystal clear since it had not been polluted by humans forthousands of years. The landscape was a beautiful desert plain, andwhile Killer was sniffing around, I noticed a cave.
I asked Glen "Do you want to go into the cave?". He replied, "What ev'".
We slowly approached the huge cave, once we stepped in I was startledto see two cave people standing there. There was a male and a female.The male was about 3 foot tall, and had a 2 foot long beard, he wouldcontinually beat his head with his wooden club. The female was clothedin the latest tiger skin wear.We could not communicate but we soonfound a common interest, Disco. One thing most people do not know isthat Disco is an ancient art form traced back to recivilization.Luckily, I had brought a battery operated Disco Ball and batteries. Wetaught them many new dance moves such as the 'hustle' and the'robot'.Killer was particularly good at the 'robot'.
Glen eventually gotten tired from "shaking his groove thang", anddecided to eat one of his chocolate bars he brought along. This was not smartsince everyone knows lions are attracted to chocolate. A lion almostinstantaneously appeared. When he roared it sounded like a cow mooing.Glen laughed, and then the lion started chasing us.We ran out of the cave and darted back to the time machine. The lion kept gaining on us so I grabbed one of Glen's chocolate bars and threwit in the opposite direction. Glen yelled "No!", and leapt for the chocolate bar. I yelled out to him"Don't do it", but it was too late.
My best friend was dead. He was then immediately mauled and killed bythe lion. Killer and I then went to the time machine to get away fromthe lion. After we transported back to 2248, we had a funeral for Glen.His gravestone read, "He died for the thing he loved most, Chocolate".
Pimp Chronicles
Part 1: PIMPZ
christhewalrus01: sup holmes
ArcticMonkeys33: not much flirting with the ladies, ya know haha; you?
christhewalrus01: oh
christhewalrus01: just setting up a date
christhewalrus01: you know
ArcticMonkeys33: haha sweet, and I dont know
ArcticMonkeys33: haha
christhewalrus01: seriously...you always catch me when i'm setting something up with the ladies
ArcticMonkeys33: haha, I know
ArcticMonkeys33: your just so much of a pimp that your always setting stuff up
Part II: Realization
ArcticMonkeys33: haha your such a pimp
christhewalrus01: uhm...well...i mean, pimp means multiple girls
christhewalrus01: i only have 1
ArcticMonkeys33: woah, only one?? what happened to you?
christhewalrus01: soooo
christhewalrus01: i really like this girl
christhewalrus01: she's great
And so a Pimp turns good, TT on the otherhand is still BIG PIMPIN' haha
christhewalrus01: sup holmes
ArcticMonkeys33: not much flirting with the ladies, ya know haha; you?
christhewalrus01: oh
christhewalrus01: just setting up a date
christhewalrus01: you know
ArcticMonkeys33: haha sweet, and I dont know
ArcticMonkeys33: haha
christhewalrus01: seriously...you always catch me when i'm setting something up with the ladies
ArcticMonkeys33: haha, I know
ArcticMonkeys33: your just so much of a pimp that your always setting stuff up
Part II: Realization
ArcticMonkeys33: haha your such a pimp
christhewalrus01: uhm...well...i mean, pimp means multiple girls
christhewalrus01: i only have 1
ArcticMonkeys33: woah, only one?? what happened to you?
christhewalrus01: soooo
christhewalrus01: i really like this girl
christhewalrus01: she's great
And so a Pimp turns good, TT on the otherhand is still BIG PIMPIN' haha
Nerd Battles; LOTR V. Star Wars
jmurt6: oh get real
jmurt6: the return of the king is the greatest
ArcticMonkeys33: no Return of the Jedi; kicks its ass!
jmurt6: hmm sorry i disagree fully
jmurt6: and the fact that orlando bloom is in lotr helps out with the whole liking of the movie situation... it only adds to its greatness haha
ArcticMonkeys33: but please admit that Sam and Frodo are totally gay for each other
ArcticMonkeys33: its so obvious
jmurt6: oh come on they are best friends
ArcticMonkeys33: and Dildo Baggins
jmurt6: and sam gets married at the end!
ArcticMonkeys33: GAY!
jmurt6: to a girl!
jmurt6: be nice tt.
ArcticMonkeys33: haha its actually Frodo in drag
jmurt6: the return of the king is the greatest
ArcticMonkeys33: no Return of the Jedi; kicks its ass!
jmurt6: hmm sorry i disagree fully
jmurt6: and the fact that orlando bloom is in lotr helps out with the whole liking of the movie situation... it only adds to its greatness haha
ArcticMonkeys33: but please admit that Sam and Frodo are totally gay for each other
ArcticMonkeys33: its so obvious
jmurt6: oh come on they are best friends
ArcticMonkeys33: and Dildo Baggins
jmurt6: and sam gets married at the end!
ArcticMonkeys33: GAY!
jmurt6: to a girl!
jmurt6: be nice tt.
ArcticMonkeys33: haha its actually Frodo in drag
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Sunday, January 7, 2007
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